


Moving On & Getting Over

by sesame_syrup



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Peggy Carter Needs a Hug, Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa (mentioned) - Freeform, Post-Endgame, Steggy - Freeform, peggy carter would not surrender herself to a dance after 4 years of thinking steve was dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sesame_syrup/pseuds/sesame_syrup
Summary: Peggy Carter would not just fall back into Steve Rogers arms. It had been so long and there was too much to say. A difficult conversation needs to be had in order to sew the wounds from the past.(or my take on what should've happened when steve came back for peggy in order to have justice for her character progression from agent carter)
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Moving On & Getting Over

** Washington DC, 1949 **

His heart was pounding. Hands shaking as he knocked on the bright green door. The sun was setting, casting a golden light over the suburban neighborhood.

Steve knew this was what he was meant to do. He didn’t know what would happen in his now future, but he knew if there was any chance at the life he wanted then this was his best shot.

It felt as if he was back in the quantum realm. Just floating through atoms until he landed at his destination. This was his destination. The last time he would ever travel through time and space. And it was, in his opinion, the most important mission he’d ever endeavored.

The sound of the latch behind the door met his ears. And there she was. Whole. Lovely.

Her hair was longer. The pink blouse she wore intimidated him. Her red lips comforted him. Her eyes melted his heart. And for a moment he was relieved. Like releasing a breath he’d been holding for twelve years. That was until she pulled a pistol on him.

“Who are you?” Her lip quivered, as she pointed the barrel straight at his face.

“It’s me. I promise.” He said calmly, hands now in the air. “I have to explain so much to you, but it is me.”

“Prove it,” she spat, hand shaking as she gripped the gun with white knuckles.

Steve slowly moved his hand to his pants pocket, revealing the blue compass he’d hoarded all this time. “You told me I was made for more than being a dancing monkey. You asked me if I had danced, in the back of the car on the way to the serum procedure. And I was always late…just like now.” 

Peggy stared at the newspaper clipping of her own face nestled in the blue tin. Her heart pounding in her ears, head swimming. She lowered the gun and sank back into the house, collapsing into the leather couch by the door. Steve followed, crossing the threshold and into her world.

“How?” She whispered, mouth ajar, staring at him with a stunned expression.

“I - I was never dead. But the story is far more complicated than that,” Steve said gently, wondering how to start. “I can try to explain it if you’d like.”

Normally, Peggy would come off with a sarcastic comment and an angry glare. _Of course I want you to explain it you idiot._ But she just nodded, looking up at him with watery eyes and bewilderment.

Steve crossed to the other side of the couch, keeping a safe distance in case she decided to pick up the pistol that now sat on the coffee table next to her.

“Peggy…” At the sound of her name, her hand flew up to her mouth to cover a sob that threatened to escape. She’d heard him say her name only in dreams, and the times she attempted to recall what his voice sounded like.

With no warning she slid across the couch and wrapped her arms tight around his neck. His skin felt as she remembered, his heat immediately radiating over her. His hands pressed firm into her back, not wanting to ever let go again. They stayed like that a long moment, silent besides Peggy’s uneven breaths.

“I’ll explain everything, ok?” Steve whispered into her shoulder. She pulled back nodding, wiping stray tears from her cheeks.

He began with the day he went in the water, how he never died, and how he’d simply gone into hibernation thanks to the serum. 70 years of uninterrupted sleep. “Once they told me I had been asleep for 70 years, I was out of my depth. Confused, angry. Everything was so bright, and loud. I missed home. I missed you. I couldn’t fathom the thought that I’d never see you again.” His throat burned. “It was difficult to adjust. And then all hell broke loose. Things I nevercould’ve dreamed flying out of the sky, people from different planets…”

Steve went on to explain Loki and the Avengers, Ultron, Bucky, and that time he went to space in order to defeat a purple alien that wanted to kill half of all living things. Steve feared she might call him insane, but she just listened, asking _how, what, or why?_ at appropriate times and taking in everything he was saying, mulling it over. 

“I never even knew time travel was possible until then, and when I was the one tasked with bringing back the stones, I knew I just wanted to come home. So I did what I had to, and made this my last stop.” He paused, not knowing what else to say.

Peggy licked her lips, fading some of the red. “All that time you were frozen in the water. Alone. While we looked for you. And you’re out there right now.”

“I didn’t feel pain. I wasn’t lonely. I just…slept. Until some the technology came along able to find the ship and dig me out of the ice.” 

All this time he was there, he was right under their noses, they hadn’t looked hard enough. 

_Dammit dammit dammit._

“Dammit,” Peggy whispered, her face contorted with anguish.

Steve couldn’t help but give a brief smirk. All the things he just told her, and she was worried about his potential loneliness while in hibernation.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I’m sorry we couldn’t bring you home. We were so close.” She hung her head, body folding in on itself, while more tears fell.

Steve didn’t know how to react. He’d never seen her cry so openly.

“Peggy it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that I was able to make it back eventually.”

She sat up, looked at him with an uneven expression, and got up from the settee quickly. “Do you want some tea?” she called over her shoulder.

Steve followed her into the kitchen. Above all else, her kitchen made him feel the most back in time. Wooden cabinets, green back splash, and red accents. It was hideous.

He loved it.

She grabbed the tea kettle and began filling it with water. Steve took the liberty to sit at the small, white dining table. He watched her move from the sink to the stove, igniting the gas.

“Are you hungry?” Peggy asked, listing some of the things that were in her icebox.

“No. Thank you.” His stomach felt like lead. Without anything to do with her hands, Peggy stood awkwardly between him and the stove, looking from the floor to him and back again. He knew nothing about her current life. He knew her future and her past, but the present was an absent blotch he was delighted to fill. “Will you tell me about you? What you’ve been doing?”

She remained planted in the middle of the kitchen, arms folded. “Well, it wasn’t that exciting at first. The SSR gave me a desk job where I was “Agent” but actually more of a glorified secretary, working with men who didn’t know their arse from their elbow.” Steve chuckled. He would’ve loved to see her put them all in their place with the dignified self-worth she wore on her sleeve. Peggy sat down know with the kettle, pouring his cup before hers.

She explained the past few years. Saving Howard’s behind, proving her self-worth to those she worked with, the dangers faced, Zero Matter, a trained Russian assassin, and all the highs and lows. Of course leaving out certain parts that had to do with any men she’d shared encounters with the past few years.

Steve couldn’t help but strategically examine her face as she talked. Her expressions, her voice. It was as if the last twelve years had never happened and he was back in 1943, listening to her give out drill instructions. Every word she spoke sent a hum down his spine. An illicit chill that he refused to let himself acknowledge. She was as alluring as ever.

“And then there’s Mr. Jarvis, — Howard’s butler — who has been my strength throughout all this. Quite possibly the only reason I’m alive is because of him…” She poured herself another cup of tea.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes. Do you know him?”

Steve smirked, “Kind of. I’ll be sure to thank him for keeping you alive.”

“It would seem it’s not me that should concern you when it comes to being kept alive. It’s everyone around me.” She trailed off, flicking her eyes up to his a brief moment. “Everyone I’ve grown to care for seems to die, because of me,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’m sure that’s not true, Peggy. Your job — everyone knows what they’re signing up for.”

“It’s not just those at my job. I’ve gotten innocent people hurt or killed, just because they were associated with me.” Peggy watched him again. This man. This potential vision she was seeing that might be gone tomorrow. Why was he here? Of all places he could’ve traveled in time. “Steve? Why did you come back?”

He sighed, smiling all the same. Pretending to be interested in the leaves swimming in his tea cup. 

_Because I love you and want to spend whatever time I have left with you —_ is what he should’ve said. Instead, he remembered what she had told him, lying in her bed, grey hair fanned on the pillow.

“To start over. Try and rebuild. Get away from how overwhelming the future was for me. Plus, you owe me a dance,” he tried, coyly smiling.

Peggy did not smile. Her face slowly fell while her heart raced. It was odd. Sitting across from a man that was dead in her mind. Her head and her heart were fighting a vicious battle. Heart wanting to give in — dance, love, forget everything else. Head reminding her of the past four years she endured, barely making it through and finally getting back on her feet. She could choose to not silence herself, to not suffocate the scream she’d been wanting to let out for so long. 

In the end it was her head that won.

“Why now? Why not four years ago?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. He avoided her eyes.

With gritted teeth and watery eyes she spoke. “I mourned you, Steve. I moved on from you, accepted the fact you were dead. I took flowers to your grave. I spilled your blood into the river overlooking Brooklyn. I did my best to protect you and your memory. I forced myself to forget about you, to not dwell on the things that could have been. And now you come back?! Why choose now? Why didn’t you come back sooner!” She exclaimed, pausing only a moment. “It’s been so long — I have a career, a home, a…all that I’ve done, all that I’ve worked for.” 

She broke off, composing herself and juggling the words in her before speaking them. 

“You’ve been dead to me, Steve. Days, weeks, months, are all nothing compared to the four years that’ve passed. I’ve chucked every single hopeful thought regarding you out of my brain and into the bin. I was the one who made Howard call off the search after a year of consistently getting my hopes up. I told myself not be optimistic, but I betrayed myself every time Howard went to the bloody arctic and I thought, “What if this time they find him?” “What if he’s still alive?”. Just to have your body would’ve been a relief. I just wanted it to be over. So I made him stop, begged him to let it go, because I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Steve watched her as she attempted to keep composure, nostrils flared, eyes glistening. 

“I’m sorry.”

She scoffed. “That’s the worst part. I can’t even be angry with you, Steve.”

“You can. I encourage you to be absolutely pissed at me.” He gave her a sad smile. “It was my choice, remember?”

“A choice that not many would have had the courage to do.”

He shrugged, not wanting any praise at the moment.

“But you can’t just waltz back into my life and expect me to give it all up to live in some splendid fantasy world you’ve conjured up in your head. Things might be complicated in the future, but they’re complicated here as well.”

“Peggy - I don’t want to be a perfect fantasy. I don’t want to interrupt your life. And I don’t want to be Captain America again, or a guinea pig for Howard’s next science experiment. I don’t want to change the past no matter how much I might want to.” His thoughts drifted to Bucky somewhere in Russia. “Not many people should know I’m here in the first place.”

“Then why are you here?”

Steve chewed his cheek. He’d sworn to himself to be honest with her, it was only fair after the chaos that erupted in her life because of him.

“I too mourned the life I could’ve had with you. It hurt so much to think of what could’ve been, and no amount of punching robots or aliens or HYDRA bastards could overcome the feeling whenever I thought about what might’ve been. I saved the world and helped people and that was great, but at the end of the day I knew it wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life.” He sighed. “I’m tired, Peggy. I didn’t want to get old there. I wasn’t made for it. And I knew there was no getting over the girl I left back in 1945. So when the opportunity presented itself I couldn’t let it pass me by. I was done wasting time.”

“It’s too complicated now, Steve. I’ve…There’s-” Her face faltered, giving herself perfectly away.

“Are you with someone?” Steve didn’t know why he only realized she might have a significant other. She said she moved on.

Peggy was quiet. She looked away from him for a moment before getting up and crossing the room to the kitchen. “Would you like a whiskey?” She didn’t wait for a response before pulling down an amber bottle and two glasses from the cabinet.

“Sure.” Steve murmured, all of a sudden feeling foolish, his heart clutching in his chest. He brought his fist to his cheek, attempting to hide the despair on his face. 

_Was this all a mistake?_ He didn’t know how this timeline would present itself, but he knew her future. Could this man be the father of the children he saw in the frames? The other half of the wedding band he felt on her finger in 2014 while holding her hand? The man she spoke about in the archive footage from the museum? Steve’s stomach ached now. He felt like a deflated balloon. He’d been too late again.

He was quiet a long moment watching her hand fill the two glasses. She sat down once more and took a hardy swig of whiskey. 

“You care for someone else now. And I do not want to make you feel guilty for choosing to do what’s best for you.” He sat up straighter. “You’ve done nothing wrong in moving on. You weren’t waiting for me to come back from war. I was in the water, gone without a trace. Dead to you as you lovingly put it,” He teased, giving a half smile before sobering once more. He was a man out of time. “But Peggy, I love you. And I’m here to be whatever you want me to be. If it’s as an old friend or more. This time it’s your choice.”

This declaration was news to her, the words _I love you_ had just come out of Steve Rogers mouth. She’d only dreamed about this. Words he’d say to her. _I love you. I’m sorry I’m late. I missed you._ But now, they were 2 years past the last time she allowed herself to think of these kinds of things. 

“I don’t know if I know you anymore, Steve. And surely you don’t know me,” Peggy whispered.

“I’ll start all over. We can start over. If that’s what it takes for you to feel like you know me again.”

“I still have someone Steve! And he deserves a hell of a lot more than being tossed aside because Captain America is back from the dead and I’ve decided to treat him like a dirty old dishrag!”

He recoiled, ashamed. She really did love whoever was fortunate enough to have her. If she didn’t feel the same way he did, there was no need to embarrass himself further. He respected her too much to back her into a corner, it could only make matters worse. 

Steve accepted she was in love with someone else, but it still hurt like hell. 

“I’m sure he’s a good man. If you’re happy with him then I don’t want to come between that.”

She dropped her eyes, the spark of anger that was there a moment ago dissipated. Another long silence. Peggy finished her drink in this amount of time. “I think I’m just still…in shock?” Her eyes were shining brightly now. 

Steve thought she looked so small sitting there, curled into herself. He wished for nothing more but to hug her like he had earlier. How quickly things could change. 

“I’m sorry to disappoint you if this isn’t the reunion you had planned,” she joked with a sad smile.

“I didn’t come here with a plan. Just to see you. No strings attached.”

Peggy sighed, studying his face. The sweet smile she remembered from the years of war. At times it was the only thing she could remember from those years. His eyes that spoke every emotion he felt, making it perfectly easy to tell when he was lying. And—

“What have you done to your hair?” He laughed then, a genuine laugh that sparked butterflies in her stomach.

“It’s the style in the future,” he shrugged, running his hand through the slicked back blonde mess.

“It’s quite…something,” Peggy teased, taking a sip of her drink.

Steve chuckled before smirking once more. It felt spectacular to be at the expense of her sarcasm again. “Noted.”

A more comfortable silence passed this time. Steve glanced at the ticking wall clock. Half-past 8.

“I suppose I should go to Howard’s. Wherever that is.” He began to stand, taking his glass to the sink.

“Howard’s? Why?” Peggy jumped up from the table, crossing her arms.

“Well, I assume he’d like to know I’m here. I’ve left you all waiting long enough.” Steve leaned against the wall, mirroring her crossed arms. “I don’t want to be a bother to you.” _Or be here if your boyfriend shows up._ “And he at least owes me a place to stay for being his greatest creation.” He gave a smug smile.

There was something in his disposition that Peggy couldn’t quite explain. He was different — confident, and rougher around the edges. He looked elated and exhausted at the same time, like a man with the world on his shoulders. His face aged by twelve years, lines and purple circles around his eyes, creases forming in his cheeks. All the less he was still beautiful Steve Rogers. The shy, clueless, kind, young man who joined the army because he hated bullies. The Steve who gave his life to save others.

“I’d love to see the expression on Howard Stark’s face when he sees you on his doorstep.” She opened her mouth once more before closing it and moving towards the living room. “I’ll call Jarvis to pick you up.”

“Thank you.”

Peggy briefly explained to Jarvis on the phone that she had a package for him to pickup and deliver to Howard. Before hanging up she commented how he should make sure the fridge was stocked, referencing the overzealous appetite Steve was known to have due to the serum boosting his metabolism.

Jarvis was outside the house within fifteen minutes, beeping the horn on the town car. 

“There’s Mr. Jarvis now,” Peggy said, feeling absolutely tipsy now, head swimming.

Steve said nothing, looking at her with a sad smile. He touched his thumb briefly to her cheek, and Peggy felt her entire face flush. There was so much more to say. So much more he was dying to tell her. He compelled himself to swallow the sentiments he so desired to voice. “Bye, Agent Carter,” he whispered.

“Bye, Captain Rogers.” Steve was entranced by her warm eyes glowing in the dim lamplight, red from the emotion he’d imposed upon her. There was absolutely nothing more he wanted than to take her in his arms, breathe her in, feel her against him. 

Fear of not respecting her unspoken boundaries restrained him, and instead he moved towards the door.

Watching Steve turn away made her heart sink straight into her stomach. There he was, the only man she had ever felt so deeply for, walking away. The ghost that had been Steve Rogers was now back in her life. Out of the blue on a Saturday evening. As much as she detested the situation they were in, she still didn’t want him to go, dreading she might not lay eyes on him again. 

_Don’t go, don’t go,_ _don’t go,_ _don’t go,_ _don’t go._

This time her heart won.

“Steve?” He whipped around, his body immediately betraying him when it came to subtlety. She walked straight into his chest, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “I am glad you came back,” she breathed into his chest.

It wasn’t much, but Steve’s heart soared. His body floated, and he felt drunk for the first time in a long time. He’d decided that this moment made all the other bullshit from the past worth it.

He savored those brief seconds he could feel her hands on him. Her hair tickling his nose, breathing in the scent he hadn’t realized he’d missed. How easy she fit in his arms, pressed to his body, the warmth between them. The breath she released before pulling away that caressed his neck. Peggy refused to meet his eyes, knowing he’d see right through her if she did.

Steve opened the door, not looking back, not saying another word. The tension hung between them, cut in half when the latch clicked behind him. She peered through the window to see the confusion on Jarvis’s face, lit by the streetlamp as Steve shook his hand and got in the car.

Peggy sat against the arm of the settee in silence of the empty house. Crickets chirped outside. A dog barked in the distance. The wall clock ticked the seconds. The car pulled away.

Her body finally caught up to her brain, and the tears came.

**Author's Note:**

> this story was created with the thought of steve and peggy ending up together in the end. whether i write those chapters or not is a mystery but i wanted to get his out of my head and onto the internet.


End file.
